No Baby For You!
When I was confronted with an unplanned pregnancy, I decided on adoption. At this moment, my life changed. I fully accepted myself as an atheist as soon as this happened. People were telling me that it was “God’s will” for me to be a single mother to two children. Why? I could not afford two children on my own and I knew this baby’s father would not step up and take responsibility.
Once I accepted myself as an atheist, I had a new obstacle with the adoption agencies. Was there such a thing as a non-religious adoption agency? At that time, I couldn’t find any. When I did go to an agency, I asked for an atheist family or a gay family in need of a child. I was told that they did not have any at this moment. I went to many agencies and received the same answer. Why was it so hard to accept an “alternative” (yes, the agencies actually used this term) family? I didn’t want the traditionally Christian household for my child.
I finally decided on the private adoption route, but I was still angry. Did being an atheist mean I was less of a person? Did the idea of having my child raised in a household of reason make me a bad person? No. The idea that agencies would not accept couples with different ideals was appalling. In the end, if the child was loved, what did it matter? I ended up choosing a nonreligious family to an extent. While my daughter’s new family is Christian in certain ways, they hate the idea of church. They find the pastor’s constant need for money to be disgusting.
This whole adoption experience opened my eyes to everything I disagreed with in terms of what makes a family. Sure, on many adoption sites, you can choose a family based on the religious preference but once you click the “atheist” category, there are no families to choose from. Now, look at how they choose their families. They do a home study and a background check on each family. Then, they claim, you get to do your own evaluation of the family. Now, how can we do that when there are no options for us? Surely, there are atheist families who are dying for a child.
Now, after much research, I will admit that there are alternative adoption agencies; however, they are so far down the list in any search engine that it would take you at least a half hour to find them. Why do adoption agencies act like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld? If you do not do, or think, the way they want you to, you do not get a baby. As a birth mother, this is troubling. While I would never want a drug addict, pedophile, or alcoholic as the parent of my daughter, I would never want to exclude someone who holds the same ideals as I do. So here is my final question: Why are these tax exempt adoption agencies refusing to let all qualified potential parents in the search? Should religious organizations be allowed to handle adoptions?